


soulmates never die.

by romanoffrights



Series: marvel bingo 2019 [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Endgame Complaint, FUCK endgame, M/M, Marvel Bingo 2019, Minor Character Death, Not A Fix-It, Not Beta Read, Romantic Soulmates, Sad Ending, Sam Wilson Feels, Sam Wilson Needs a Hug, Sam Wilson-centric, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 03:37:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19243039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanoffrights/pseuds/romanoffrights
Summary: Sam was 12 when he thought- he thought he and his soulmate were both just ordinary, and he could live with that.





	soulmates never die.

Sam Wilson was born with a soulmark on his hand. 

Which, as he grew up (actually, when he was six and a kid bragged about their soulmark being on their butt), he learned wasn't very unique. His sister had one on her hand, but it was smaller than Sam's. Hers was the imprint of a fingerprint, resting just underneath her thumb. Sam's was the imprint of a hand, covering his palm and the back of it. His mother's was on her hand as well.

His brothers was on his wrist, which was pretty close to being on his hand. And his father's- the only one who's soulmark wasn't limited to his arms and hands- was on his shoulder.

Half of Sam's friends had soulmarks on their hands. It wasn't anything unique or special, it was just ordinary.

Sam was 12 when he thought- he thought he and his soulmate were both just ordinary, and he could live with that. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Sam couldn't have been more wrong.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

When Sam joined the Air Force, he still didn't have a soulmate, and he wasn't upset with that.

Sam had always been patient. Sure, he wanted to know _who_ exactly he was supposed to be spending time the rest of his life with. But he didn't mind waiting, he never would. 

And then Sam met Riley. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Sam loved Riley, and he always would. Even now. Even after what happened. But when they first met, Sam was not absolutely smitten.

His mother had told the story when she first met his father more than 10 times. Sam heard how when you first saw your soulmate, you'd just- you'd just know, before you even activated. Some love at first sight bullshit. 

Sam never did believe it's be true.

When he first met Riley, he was not smitten. The guy was attractive, but anyone could see that. Sam's wasn't sold. At the time, he didn't even think he liked men, for God's sake.

Then Riley was introducing himself, and a hand was being held out for Sam to shake.

There was no _oh, maybe this guy's my soulmate._ No, he'd been over this a million times before. When he was young, he used to get so excited whenever someone would offer to shake his hand. Now he just...learned to wait.

Sam smiled as he took Riley's hand.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

And it was warm. 

A type of warmth that Sam had never felt filled him, and that's all he could feel. He had gasped and pulled his hand away on instinct and- and the warmth was gone.

Sam had spent what felt like an eternity processing it, and when he looked up again, Riley was still there. He had this smile on his face that was so perfect and all Sam was thinking was _I could get used to that._

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Riley was Sam's universe, Sam's everything, the only thing that seemed to matter.

Riley was always there. There when the nightmares caught up to Sam (they always did), there when Sam got drunk off his ass (way too often), there when Sam needed something to hold onto (more than he'd like to admit).

Riley was always there for Sam. Sam, on the other hand, couldn't say that he was always there for Riley.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

When Riley fell, Sam had froze.

He had froze all over. He couldn't _move,_ couldn't _breathe._ Because Riley was falling, and all Sam could _hear_ was his scream, and all he could _see_ was Riley falling too fast to be helped, and all he could _do_ was watch. 

Sam wondered if he was screaming himself, wondered if he'd ever be able to stop.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Sam knew better than to blame himself, but he couldn't help but think it should've been him. That he should've tried to do something.

(He knew, after years of therapy, that there was nothing he could, but it didn't stop his thoughts.)

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Sam left.

He didn't see much point staying, not anymore, not without Riley.

Before, Sam had been scared. Scared of leaving, scared of knowing what would happen between him and Riley _if_ either one of them left, because you could never really be sure with those things.

Now- now Sam was scared for a whole nother reason.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

It takes Sam a while to get back on his feet. He gets himself a nice house, and he spends at least a year in therapy before he takes it upon himself to counsel veterans.

It still hurt, though. Sam had constantly found himself tracing his soulmark, wishing Riley was there, wishing he could've done something. Sam hated it. He wanted to get over it, to move on, but his therapist said that losing someone like that- let alone your soulmate- isn't just something you get over. And, maybe, maybe Sam knew that, but still.

He woke up screaming, Riley's name on the tip of his tongue, more times than he'd like to admit. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Here's the thing:

Sam doesn't _want_ another soulmate. He's heard it before- someone's soulmate dies young and before they know it, they've got a knew one.

Sam had been more than happy with Riley. Happier than he ever had been. He wanted Riley, and Riley only, not some- some replacement.

That's not what he wants.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

A couple years later, and Sam still hasn't met his 'new soulmate', if he even has one (God, he hopes not). Sometimes, he forgets about that, but not Riley. Never Riley. Riley's still there. The image of him falling is still there, and so are the nightmares and flashbacks. He thinks they always will be. 

Sam's jogging one morning, like usual. It's early, around six thirty am. He had just about set a normal pace, when Captain fucking America came running past at full speed. Sam blinked, and it took him a minute to process the situation. He had barely caught the words that came from _Captain fucking America-_

"On your left." 

Sam didn't have time to respond, because Rogers was already way too far ahead by the time he processed it.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

It was ten minutes later when Rogers was next to Sam again, and it was only for a few seconds, like last time. Only this time, Sam doesn't take forever to process the fact that Captain America is running next to him. 

"On your left."

Sam rolled his eyes. Alright. This was already getting old.

"Uh-huh." Sam said dryly, "On my left. Got it." 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"Don't say it. Don't you say it."

"On your left." 

Sam groaned as Rogers ran ahead, shouting "Come on!" after him. He picked up his pace, but wasn't able to get very far before having to slow back down.

Damnit.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Sam was leaning against a tree, drenched in swear, when the voice of Rogers was back, only now saying something other than "on your left."

"Need a medic?" 

And Sam, despite himself, laughed.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Conversation with Rogers was easy in a way Sam could remember. Easy in a way that Sam didn't want to think about.

They talked for a bit- not very long, not for more than two minutes. It was brief, but comfortable in a way Sam hadn't felt in a while. It was light banter, joking, teasing. They talked briefly about Sam's time in pararescue .

"Sam Wilson." Sam had said, holding his hand out.

And- and Rogers took it. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

And it was warm.

It was warm in the way it had once been before. It was warm in the way it had been with Riley.

Sam, out of instinct, had pulled away and drew his hand to his chest, eyes wide and staring at Steve like he'd grown another head. 

Steve stared right back, expression unreadable. 

There was a long moment of silence. Sam thinks his hands were shaking, but he couldn't exactly tell.

Sam couldn't hear anything over his own breathing as he tried to collect himself.

He had another soulmate. He should be happy. In a way, deep down, he was, but all he could think was _Riley Riley Riley Riley Riley._

"Steve Rogers."

Sam looked up at the voice, still clutching his hand tightly.

"What?" 

"That's my name." Rogers explained, and Sam shook his head.

"Yeah, I kinda figured that out." 

Rogers smiled, and Sam couldn't think straight, but whether that was the anxiety or Rogers himself, Sam didn't know.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"You've had a soulmate before." Steve said one night, years later, and Sam was caught off guard.

"What?" 

"You've had a soulmate before." Steve repeated dryly.

Sam didn't respond, and Steve took that as a cue to keep going.

"Riley, I'd bet." Steve continued.

Sam froze up, his eyes widening, "How do you-"

"You told me, remember?" Steve replied with a raised eyebrow, "When we first met, at the VA." 

Sam looked over at Steve, who was staring at the ceiling now. "He was your soulmate." Steve repeated, "Should've known, should've figured it out sooner." 

Sam didn't respond.

"I did, too, you know?" Steve said after a long moment of silence, and Sam looked at him, confusion written all over his face. "I had a soulmate before." He explained, "Peggy Carter." Steve said with a sad smile. "I just- I don't know why you didn't tell me."

Sam was quiet for a moment. 

"Scared." Sam said, voice barely above a whisper.

"Of what?"

Sam hesitated for a long moment. "Of you. Leaving." Sam explained carefully, "I was scared you'd leave me because of it." He continued, "I'd already lost one soulmate, I couldn't- I couldn't lose you, too."

Steve turned to face Sam, making direct eye contact. Sam shuddered.

"Sam, you're never gonna lose me. No matter how bad it gets, I'm always gonna be with you. Always. Okay?"

Sam took a deep breath and-

"Okay."

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

As it turns out, that had been a lie.


End file.
